A blog about me and general things that I like which may or may not include the following: many fandom posts, hot people (fictional or real of either gender), fanfiction, guy ferri, shrek, cute snakes, misunderstood but also cute sharks, many many many things from the weird side of the internet, shit that makes me laugh, MINORITY RIGHTS, pretty things to wear, cosplay, cool art, DINOSAURS, science news (pew pew pew), nostalgia, cool facts about stuff, video games, many many memes, PUNS and dad jokes that i would say even though i am not a dad, FEMINISM, caaaaaaaaaats cats cats cats, doggies, animals, canada jokes since i'm allowed as a canadian person EH! encouragement posts for people struggling with difficult stuff! I have been told by many that I'm good at advice for stuff so send me asks and I will try to reply as soon as possible with something interesting depending on what you ask me. Examples include: You: "What is the meaning of life?" Me: "42" You: "My friend has clinical depression and i don't know how to reach them," Me: "Give them space and time to themselves but offer yourself to them if they would like your company (depending on the person) don't say things like "It'll get better, i'm sorry to hear about that" they don't know it will get better and most people aren't looking for sympathy they want to feel like they aren't in a cold pit of hellish darkness where they feel nothing and have no soul anymore. Think of the Dementors from Harry Potter, JK based them on her experience with Depression. Ask them if they need anything but make it clear that they need to verbally ask you when they are ready and tell them that you are never going away no matter how hard they try to push you out of their life, they are not a worthless piece of shit no matter what depression says, their existence matters to you more than they will ever know, if they show signs of being suicidal get the proper help for them right away, counselling and therapy helps and if where you live has a suicide help line (public phone number) call it and get help that way as well." You: Brah babe girl bro, do you believe in ghosts?" Me: "hell yeah i do, i got a big black doggie that haunts my house and makes scary noises. Not sure if friendly or it daydreams of eating my face, i named it Cardinal Boo just in case it a cute spectral puppy buddy."
Wesker covered in blood Wesker covered in blood Wesker covered in blood Wesker covered in blood Wesker covered in blood Wesker covered in blood WESKER COVERED IN BLOOD. And looking like a vampire who just bit someone (me)
It’s important to me that everyone understands that if you’ve got an autistic friend who periodically sends you pictures/videos/whatever of your Thing, because they know you’re into it… They love you.
Now don’t get me wrong, It may not necessarily be romantic love, they might not want to run off to a little farm in Montana where you’ll be married forever and raise little sheeps…
But they definitely love you. And they’re so happy when they spot a post about X and go “ooh, my friend likes X! I’ll send it to them!”.
Because they love you and want you to be happy.
Happiness is stored in the 3am discord DM of a link to a Tumblr post of a cute raccoon
Neurotypical people might do this too for the same reason, but I can’t speak for them. I don’t understand how they work.
tier 5 (ridiculous, unacceptable, pls donāt): anything to do with beer cans, baby-maker, bishop, choad, donger, dragon, fuck wand, fun stick, hog, johnson, jimmy, lap rocket, little [insert name], love muscle/rod/stick, meat stick, one-eyed [anything], piston, private eye, schlong, trouser snake, wiener, winkie
tier 6 (youāre literally a fourth grader): baby arm, baloney pony, beaver basher, beef whistle, custard launcher, dude piston, flesh flute, heat-seeking moisture missile, krull the warrior king, luigi, mayo shooting hotdog gun, meter long king kong dong, pig skin bus, piss weasle, purple-headed yogurt flinger, purple-helmeted warrior of love, schlong dongadoodle, single barreled pump action bollock, spawn hammer, steaminā semen truck, tan banana, thundersword, wang doodle, whoopie stick, wing wang doodle, yogurt shotgunĀ
tier 3 (clinical,
too formal, but not cheesy):
groin, penis, phallus
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
Tier 7: Using euphemisms from other languages (I will never let go of the Chinese euphemism of āmeat bladeā. Though āthat thingā is also a high contender.)
Note: Itās been a while since I wrote something for our husband, so have some smut lol. Also, to be honest, the interactions on this blog have been kinda low lately, and Iām a little unmotivated to write. Maybe Iām shadowbanned, so it would mean a lot to me if you would reblog and comment. Thank you!Ā š
Pair: Albert Wesker x F!Reader;
Plot: the reader is sitting on Albertās lap and things get steamy š.
[snaps head around] hehe *precedes to try and sneak a breeding kink in again*
You’ve always been able to hear people’s thoughts, typically it was when you could just focus on someone’s head and all their emotions, thoughts and feelings would be clear to you. However there were some people who had such loud thoughts that you could hear them regardless, luckily these people were few and far between, saving you a headache. This…skill of yours made you a very good detective, to the point where the STARS team captain took notice of you. Your ability to read someone made you valuable to him, it was a risk for him, you knew that, as you could read someone like a book, but your skill was too valuable to pass up.
Over the years you two developed a friendship, it wasn’t awkward or seemed to be based on manipulation like the others but you still were cautious. He had many thoughts about killing the others and you could never be too careful.
But the weirdest day though, was when you were getting thoughts that definitely were not your own.
“God, why do they look so good in that uniform?”
That was a familiar voice, you thought as your eyes looked around, resting your hand on your cheek to look less suspicious.
“Fuck, I want to kiss them so bad.”
Your head went up to look over at Wesker’s office, his shades were open which was rare but you two were the only ones in the office at the moment. Oh, so that’s where the thoughts were coming from? That’s…interesting… Your eyes found his quickly, his shades were pushed into his hair, he quickly looked away from you when you stared at him.
“Dammit, I need to stop staring, they’re so pretty.”
Maybe your suspicions didn’t mean anything, maybe he did actually like you?
“I just want to fuck them hard enough to break the bed.”
WOAH- okay what the fuck- your head turned in his direction once more, his head was down, probably looking at some papers.
“They have such a pretty mouth, I’d love to fuck it.”
Sir, you are the boss, you cannot be thinking like this about your subordinate-
“Maybe they’d give me a little heir if I asked? Hmm…nice and round…”
SIR- SIR- THIS IS THE RACCOON CITY POLICE DEPARTMENT. Quickly standing up you headed your way out the door, feeling his eyes following you as you walked briskly.
“God I want to smack their thighs.”
So maybe your captain liked you more than you thought.
Honestly? Wesker doesnāt mind too much. Heās pretty tolerant of your clinginess and doesnāt have much of a problem with it as long as the other S.T.A.R.S. members donāt find out heās getting soft. If Chris ever found out it might as well be the end of his career..
Though he was averse to it at first, Wesker thinks itās quite sweet if you go into his office just so you can sit on his lap and take a short nap. Itās especially cute when you snuggle up to him in your sleep. Smiles a little every time you do it. Always makes sure you lock his office door before sleeping. He refuses to let anybody see him in such a position.
Finds your touch to be a stress reliever of sorts and finds it adorable that you want to give him so much love. Heās not exactly sure why they are, but your face kisses are his favorites. Thereās just something about seeing that warm smile on your face after you kiss him that makes him happy. It makes it just a little bit easier to get through the day knowing thereās someone who cares about him so much. It truly warms his heart.
You are unfortunately a big distraction for him when it comes to his work. He really does love you, but he needs to get these reports done and you kissing all over his face isnāt helping him focus.. Sometimes even your mere presence is a distraction to him. How dare you be so cute..
While giving affection back isnāt the first thing on his mind when you want to give him love, he will occasionally step out of his comfort zone to let you know he appreciates all you do. Small pats on your back whenever youāre sitting on his lap, a hand on your waist whenever youāre at his side, and even a gentle caress of your face to let you know he cares. As time goes on, he does these a bit more and tends to be a bit bolder about it around other people. If he can get away with it, heāll do it.
He canāt help smiling when you give so much affection to the point that you start squealing because of how much you care for him. He has to admit, it is quite adorable when you hold him a bit tighter with that cute little smile of yours. It makes his day.
Heās so used to you being around him that heāll start.. missing you if you need to leave to go do something. He hates that heās feeling such things when he has important work to do, but youāve gotten to him more than heād like to admit. You make his feelings confusing sometimes.
Even if he unfortunately wonāt let you be so affectionate around others, it doesnāt mean he wonāt let you cling to his side when you donāt need to do some other task for the day. It often gets the others wondering why youāre with him all the time. It gets to the point where they question why youāre even in his office for more than 10 minutes at a time and Wesker soon has to start making excuses as to not cause gossip between the others. It probably ends up happening anyways though. Damn you, Chris!
